she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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