At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
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