Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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