I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
