i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
