I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
