im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
