I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
