Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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