Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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