Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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