I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
