sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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