I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
