It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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