I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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