Have you finally orgasmed yet?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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