Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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