I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
