I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Two words: nipple clamps
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