That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
