dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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