im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
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I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
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I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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