Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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