Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Girls should come with a carfax report
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
