Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
