The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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