I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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