I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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