is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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