I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
