Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
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