Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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