i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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