I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
