How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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