I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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