Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
