take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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