I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
