it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
