dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
