You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
