He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
God, I missed his penis.
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