I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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