so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
