I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
