We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
