Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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