hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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