he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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