She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
