I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
