Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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