a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
