Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
