if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
