I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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