I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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