She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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