Pants 0. Shit 1.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You took a bar mat shot.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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