If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize