just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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