i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
