omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
