glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
