PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
