3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
